6th may 2025

 Its 6th may 25 and 8:41 am. I came to Library. Weather outside is good but inside me is bad. I am sad. I have many thoughts inside which I want to express but I won't. 

My NEET 25 went verryyyy bad. I was disheartened by the time 30 minutes of exam were left. Many reasons for it. I was slow from the start because I had "its NEET" in my head so I was re-checking each answer of mine. I was trying to hurry up and knew I could be late. I also wanted to give time for OMR filling because if I make a mistake in it, i would be very sad. Now I am a dropper. cant believe it.

Since the last 2 days, I have these thoughts coming in mind periodically:-

"That was my chance. Why did I not give my 2000% ??? How can it go bad? How can I be dropping? It is such a shame. All that I had expected will take atleast a year more now. How would be the environment around me if I would've managed time well and able to score atleast 600? Everyone would be so happy at home including myself. Why don't they take this exam twice in a year like JEE? They will probably limit the age of applicants then. And even if I give the exam after 1 year, what is the surety that I will get 650+ or a good medical College? What if this happens again the next year? "

"If I try looking at it positively, if God wants me to get the best medical College but next year, how can it become truth? Oh god.. what to do next? Join PW? Which test series to give? What if I don't score good in it too? I am clueless. Inspite of having score around 650 some times during the last 15 days and getting confident, it all came to an end. A bad one. A good Allen difficult test series would cost around 10-15k or for some other coaching it is even 20k. I would've stopped all this here and everyone would be so happy. Why don't they allow me to give NEET again. I want to. All may serious batchmates will go to there colleges this year. They will have their photos hanged everywhere in many cities or atleast my city or in newspapers. I am stuck here with the non-serious aspirants who are taking drop, unable to decide what to do next in this game." 

I have lost all confidence. I can cry but that will do nothing more than lubricating my eyes. I should never have thought of getting a good medical college. My thought should have been to mastér neet syllabus. I am sorry but I failed again in life and still don't have any great achievement. Bye. No hopes alive. Be a robot.

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