Kevin here!

 Its 11:53 pm of 29 Oct 2025. Yes dad's bday is coming soon.  While dad was walking in the house, I was seeing pictures of mom's visit to her place 2 days ago. Dad was happily saying that one of my cousins after getting govt. job of not a good salary was still offered a d**ry worth 10s of lakhs. When I told him its bad, he tells me money is important and we gotta earn money ... Blah blah. I could not continue the debate coz he was walking to and fro in the home. If he would be sitting, or maybe in future I will try to change his beliefs once. Who knows, since he's more educated than most others in family, a part of him starts questioning his beliefs. I searched just now that its i**egal. I hope world has many others like me who want to and can change the future and make coming generations more aware, righteous, and honest as far as its good for society as well as for them.  I've learnt this from Gojo Satoru. That's why I also say movies / tv shows have the power to ...

It's 9:28 am. I think grandpa has become that old person who can't apply logic and accept he's old now and his brain cannot function like adults so he should listen to the adults. Since he has failed to co-operate with th adults or young people in the house, he should be left alone maybe in some small rented house. I thought I would take him to my college's state and I will take care of him there but now I realise he doesn't deserve so much time & energy of mine.  He is now becoming a problem for us, just like great-grandma.  The problem with me and others is that we don't know how to deal with this problem with old people. If we try to make them understand, there's a high chance they won't, even if they do, it will be after lots of fights and at the cost of mental peace of young people like me. If we find a way to seperate them such that we are able to see them every few days, society comes and tells budha ko nikaal diya, even that old fellow himsel...

 Its 5:10 AM of Oct 23 2025. I've not woke uo from sleep which means I have been staying up till now. A while ago I got to know that sis deleted a kinda semi-important chat of mine in chatgpt, it used to store questions for neet. I was keeping my questions in it for fast revision, not all questions but a particular type of questions. She deleted it with the one chat she actually wanted to, which was her motivational talk with chatgpt. This made me so angry but I can't/don't want to go fight with her for it. I don't like such events happening which makes me angry but I can't blame the other person.  I again imagined myself in college, unbothered of all this bad stuff that keeps happening. I checked R1 couselling result and got to know if I had solved 25 more correct questions in phy, I would have got in 580s, and I would be in UCMS maybe coz a general candidate with rank around 3200 did get it with DU quota. I wish I knew how close I was to a Delhi govt medical colle...

 Its 3:37 PM 22 Oct 2025. I would've been in some medical college if I would have given my all between 2 and 5 PM on 4th May 2025. The problem is and was that I... Leave it.  I saw Milkman's (of winner boys) instagram profile after seeing Pratyaksh Aggarwal's and realised they are where I wanted to be at this time. I failed besides in NEET 2025, in life too. I failed to work hard. I am distracted. I could've easily solved 10-20 more questions of physics, VERY EASILY. That means I could have got a lower AIIMS or some decent medical college. I literally feel like crying and punching and slapping myself.  During the exam I felt like If I keep solving questions I will be able score 590 or 600, but that won't be enough to get a govt medical college or just the respect I want from society considering the last years inflated cut-offs. I thought if I score that, first I won't get a govt college and will have to take drop anyways, second, relatives and people who know me...

I sat for studying and many things keep appear in my head. One of the thoughts is about why so much family tension happens in my case.  1 big reason is mom's stubbornness and behaviour. 2nd reason is some people don't understand something that they should without someone telling them. This 2nd reason is reason for many fights and heated arguments in world. Let me explain. The fact I should understand without people telling me is they will have to get too rude and I will lose respect and love by some amount if I don't score well and crack NEET without taking multiple drops. If I don't think about it, it will cause tensions between me and my family/parents at some point. My sis should understand this too. Grandpa should understand that old people become a problem or atleast a responsibility for young people.  My uncle should understand that since he's grandpa's son, he too has to give some input in taking care of old grandpa. Input maybe in monetary terms but not ...

It's 2:42 AM of 11 Oct 2025. Lying in my grandpa's room on floor with mosquitoes disturbing me. I was reading coordination chem PDFs of yakeen 2.0 2025 MD sir . Parents planned to send me to G. Village . I don't like that idea and they know it. What they don't know is the problem I'll have there. I'll again struggle in online vs offline study coaching. I'll have difficult time there. And ofc not less fees will be demanded by them. God. All this is coz of mom. She is the one behind all this. She's evil. If she wouldn't have made this house a hell for last 4-5 months, everything would've been good, my sis would not have a huge backlog and I would probably be scoring atleast 650. She distracted me. I had to find ways of getting independent and earning. This is what has resulted in low scores of mine in mocks. Let's see what happens.  I'm powerless. In a negotiation, there is a powerful party which controls the rules in negotiations and the...

 Its 12:53 AM, 10 Oct.  Intro: I haven't slept yet. 1 hour ago my sister's bday ended. We created so many memories on 9th Oct 2025. Or maybe this week. Or rather this whole year. For me the year is divided into pre- NEET and post-NEET. I wanna talk so much to this post. But all those thoughts lets leave them for some other post. Talk with ChatGPT : I told my problems to chatgpt. The problem is in form of a loop . Let me explain deeply. > Some thing bad happens at home   > I try to find a solution > End up with thinking about my independence and earning as probable solution. > Start coding or content creation > Family members order me to study > I try to study along with the extra stuff. > Unable to focus only on studying. And keep getting thoughts about coding etc. > Decide to finish one thing quickly amd then move to other. Like finish extra first or earn first then study or finish study first by getting 700+ marks for family and then focus ...

 Its 21:45, 6-10-25, I am sitting in grandpa's room, using PC and as you expect he did warn me already half an hour ago "Should be the time to turn it off, dont play games"... blah blah blah. In case you don't know i dont' play games. I've just agreed to his auto-suggestion when he asked a few times long ago.  I was thinking I should not have bought Ipad. The pros of not buying would be- I would not have given my parents a burden and would be less indebted to them for doing things for me and spending on me. I badly need a good SSD RAM etc ka upgrade in my win 10 pc hp all-in-one. But i know upgrading it would cost 1k-3k INR, which I don't want them to give coz I'll again owe them something more.  Last year was different. I didn't code much or spend time on any brand of mine. I thought it was my final year, so I should give my everything to it in studies, and then I'll succeed a year later and will be free to do anything. I was thinking about al...