JEE day

Yesterday, I got to experience what going to give a competitive exam capable of deciding your future feels like.

Lets start from the beginning. 

My JEE was on 29 Jan 2nd shift (3-6pm).

On the night of 28 I wondered whether I should sleep around 12 or as usual at 2-3am. I finally slept at 2:10am. I wrote on the whiteboard we have that I'd wake up at around 10 am on 29 Jan for my family members to see. 

On 29, I woke at 10:30 or 11 (don't remember clearly). I wake up and imagined what my day would look like and after brushing, eating etc., I continued with watching 28 jan shift 1 jee explanation video of pw. It was 12 & I decided to stop 🛑. I then talked to mom on call with whom I was to go to exam centre. As she was doing her job, it was kinda difficult for her to come home & give time to me, so she asked me on call whether it was necessary going so early. I knowing all this, still insisted on her to come home early to pick me (as it was JEE). Till she came and a little after she did, I brought together the items I had to carry and filled the blanks in JEE printed form. It took me 10+ minutes after she came which made her and my sister little annoyed. I also had to change my JEE application password so I don't have any issue at the exam centre while entering password (later realised it was of no use). Nevertheless I got ready wearing casual tshirt and pant with slippers. I never went out in those red slippers. 

We went on mom's scooty. The centre was 10km away. All through the journey to the centre, I imagined what the place would look like, all possibilities of result of exam, my focus during exam etc. I turned on the "serious" mode of mine. In the way, I could see other fellow aspirants who I think were going for JEE too. I reached the centre at 1:30pm. I saw many like me which again made me realise I wasn't alone in this race. There was a long line which I joined. My mom on the side space of the line walking parallel to me. I saw a guys of my 10th std School, avoided talking to him or looking at him. I saw my room 'LAB4A'. While I was in the line, a few agents of some coachings came and they noted the numbers and names of students. I was stupid enough to give the first one my no. But when the second person came, I decided to give him a wrong no. but before I could do that, my mom interrupted and after confirming that the guy was not from official exam conducting body, asked him to not take my details. She thinks I'm stupid! But yeah I shouldn't have given the first person my no. but since i did you may think i'm stupid, my bad! When I was about to enter through the gate, on being advised by other parents that out of all the papers I was carrying, only admit card with a pen and aadhar and photo will be allowed inside, I gave some of my extra stuff to mom. Since there were other parents also near the gate, Policemen asked parents to move in order to avoid over-crowding. When one policeman asked my mom to leave the space, mom wanting some time to give me bottle and take some extra stuff from me, started a mini-war with police asking for a female police to come and talk to her and make her leave that space. Because of this, mom and I couldn't communicate. I just gave a few papers to her and forgot to take the bottle from her which I realised when I went to the 2nd floor (my exam room). 

After many checks, photo-clicks, verifications, I was alloted my seat C502. It showed that I had 30 mins before the exam started. Idea of going to mom to take my bottle striked me. But in order to avoid losing time and not make my head more messy, I decided not to go and thought 'I wouldn't be very thirsty, I can bear a little'. Before I sat at my seat, when the checks & verifications were happening with me, a staff (young) was doing similar to what we call ragging with a student. Even the other Staff were not very polite. I regret giving the invigilator a rating of 3/5 after exam ended, I shoud've given 1 or 2/5. One lady was there who I guess didn't like The Boys much as she was talking so rudely to us. I say boys because after a thorough search a couldn't find a single girl candidate there. Maybe the centre was only for boys and girls had some other centre. 

I was sitting at my seat. On the screen, I could see:  

1. A Form having fields for my username which was filled already and was readonly and a password in which I thought I should enter the changed password (which I did at home).   

2. 2 pics of mine, one in school uniform (me looking good) and other which a staff there had clicked (terrible pic; I realised I don't look great on usual days). 

I started meditating, kept my eyes closed thinking what emotions I can have during and after the exam, and how important it was for me to clear that exam with good marks. I motivated myself keeping eyes closed (like I do in NEET mock tests). After some time, when there were no more students coming and there were 20 or 15 mins for exam to begin, the invigilators instructed us to sign at a place in our printed application forms and told us the password. It was the DOB in order DDMMYYYY. All of us entered the password in the fields and waited for the invigilator to say 'click on sign in button'. I wished myself best of luck for the last time. When we signed/logged in , we saw some instructions which I realised were compulsory to read as there was a 15min timer to read it. We couldn't move to questions in that time, so I read that. 

After some time, we started the exam and the first question appeared on my screen. I start reading it. Read it for 2nd time. Nothing hit my head. Something was wrong. Oh It was MATHS Section A. Lmao Didn't study maths. Moved to Phy sec A. I solved questions very slowly checking every multiplication, division, and other calculations involved multiple times which might have increased the accuracy, but made the exam boring for me as I recall that moment now. Also, I left 2 solvable ques of Phy section B at the end. Even till now I regret not solving them. One was eq. triangular masses angular momentum other was ration of ang. momentum of two satellites around a planet. I was solving this second question in my head (paper was taken away by invigilators) in the last 3 minutes. mvr ka ratio karna tha bas, (regrets). 

Coming to other questions, the paper was 95% easy, talking about phy and chem only ofc. In chem ther was a question given several coordin. comp. we had to add magnetic moments of yellow colored compounds. I wasn't sure at that time if fe+3 is yellow and not fe+2. Only one compound was not of Fe, it was of Co. I left this ques also. I think if I had saved some time for the end, such question could've made a difference of 1000+ rank (regrets again). I also saw around 15 maths questions till I found the one which I could solve. It was a question of vectors, unit vector a cap perpendi. to 2 vec. this and that and at some angle to another. I started making its equations and solving thinking of being careful not to give much time to it. It was after I had solved majority questions in first round and before I was to see the left questions. It also took me many minutes. I thought maybe this maths ques is not as easy as it seems and moved to check and solve left phy and chem ques. 30 mins left. I saw everything but when I had 3 minutes those 2 phy ques came. Btw these 3 or perhaps 2 minutes I got after everyone else had finished theirs. Why? Because in the 1st hour of exam I guess I disturbed some wiring below with my feet, it showed 'No connection, call invigilator' and normal computer screen got displayed. I called one invigilator he told me to stay a little away from those wires. Restarting the pc and connecting it to NTA question site took those 2-3mins I guess. Realising this I thought CBT is so much better that OMR based. 

Came to mom in the crowd regretting not solving those 2 ques of phy. I smiled, Mom smiled. We went to our home through the path from which I and my family have memories with. Came home. Sister too came from library early (makes me doubtful what she would do the whole year with library). We talked. I started watching an explanation video of movie "Fan", then full 2hr:30min movie "Chennai China" till Dad came. I was tired. My back hurt a little. After some time I watched my shift JEE paper discussion and then before sleeping watched few shorts and started uploading photos and vids on mom's phone to my Drive (which I do periodically).

I slept at 4am.

Took me more that 1.5hrs to write this blogpost. 

Let's go and study bio. Mom and sis would come soon ig.

Bye