Contemplation (study related)

Today was my AIATS 2 (AIAI haha remember?) i came home and just like previous two times i went there for test, I came back with a different mood which helped me start contemplating about the idea i'll be discussing in this post. 

(thinking where to start from)

See, I came home with Aakash's books and t-shirt. I opened the book. It was ncert something part 1 landscape orientation wala book. I was discussing and exploring that book with my sis till I saw one of the toppers' pictures (not one of the bigger ones but a smaller picture coz that guy wasn't under top 10 huh) and I remembered him from Md Maaz Rajput's Video in MAMC. He had AIR 69. His name was S. Mittal. Since Aakash had written 'Classroom program' under his name and I knew from the earlier video that he said he only took tests from other coachings I searched more about him apart from thinking that all these toppers would be getting so rich after cracking such exams. His YT channel has 91 subs currently, I know it will grow a lot in future. I started watching the first video on his channel about his prep n all. What kept me hooked till the end of the video was his achievements he mentioned in first few seconds. He besides AIR 69 in NEET 2025 had got a 4 thousand something rank in JEE adv 2025 and was an ISC student (if I heard it correctly) and was state topper in class 12th boards and 2nd topper in class 10th boards. OMGGGG. 

I was thinking this for a few days. I think there's a little problem in the way I've been thinking for some weeks if not months. I used to think I can and must do things alone and fight and win the battles which are unnecessary to be fought, and I want to fight and win them just to add some pride and maybe idk ego into myself, that I did such great things all alone. I wanna get rich, I wanna top the entrance exams, I wanna become expert in computer stuff and sports and have a great body too, and I want all these and maybe some more which I can't think about rn while I stay away from society and people. I don't know about other whishes but about the wish (& need) of cracking exams like NEET, JEE Mains & Adv. with good ranks. I've started thinking that there must be some reasons for some assumed coincidences in my eyes to happen, like why does no or very few PW students or online students in general get an AIR under 100 or 10 or 50, this can't be a coincidence. Why do most AIRs under 100 or 50 or 10 prefer fully offline coachings and ways of studying instead of online. Ofc even the online students and teachers know that there's lack of discipline while studying online. That might be the reason for my studies getting too bad. 

I think its time for me to go to Aakash regularly now. 

O yea one more thing I should write before I completely forget. 

See there are major checkpoints or milestones in career and as you progress through life you either pass or fail in them, there's no 3rd way. The natural state is failed and we work to change it to pass. Some are successfull in it while others are not. As I or anyone ages, they keep getting those opportunities which will never come back and if we fail we cant change it ever in life. 
Talking about my life (study life), the 1st major checkpoint was class 10th boards (2023) then came JEE mains then class 12th boards then NEET (2025). The last month of 2025 is gonna start in 3 hours. In class 10th boards I could have scored more atleast 95% I would have... leave it coz who knows the "atleast this I could have done". JEE Mains 2025, very casual attempt. I didn't realise how important any entrance exam is. The way I am seeing the achievement of getting a good rank in a well recognized exam for once and which stays for life is very different from how I used to see it before watching that video. I wish this effect doesn't go from me. I should also remember not to think a single person can do all great things alone, he requires help from other people and thats how he can become great at anything. I'm glad that I have realised that even though I missed 4 major chances to greatness, I still have 3 more - JEE Mains 2026, NEET 2025 then JEE adv 2026. The first one is only less than 2 months away. I have to get serious now. I know I also have to do other things like computer but this is never going to come back in life. I should give it my all.

Also, I should stop thinking that the institutes benefit from me if I study in their coaching and so I should study at home and go there after becoming expert at what they are teaching. It is a place to make myself better. The environment they will give me is definitely something that if even top rankers didn't have they would've lost their battles. There should be no or very little shame in taking help from others like these institues. Remember even while doing business, people do have to take help from organisations they hate or just dont like, all that is done for their own profit, the other party's profit is by-product.  

Its 9:33 pm and I've told sis that we'll go play badminton atleast 20 mins before dad comes. I've also decided that I'll complete Alcohol, Phenol, Ether today, I decided it while cycling back to home from Aakash. 

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